Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
