She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
ok first of all what the fuck
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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