ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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