i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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