the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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