I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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