im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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