He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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