I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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