We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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