I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
