I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
