She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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