9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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