After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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