census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
