I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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