Need sex. Gaining weight.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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