what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
