Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
