First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
