she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
