The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
