so that wasnt chicken after all
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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