Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
