Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
