At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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