I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
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dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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