I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
