Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
