Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
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