Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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