Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
