I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
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I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
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Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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