just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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