Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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