Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
