I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
