Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
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On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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