filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
