do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He did a backflip because drugs
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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