she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
