Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
