last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Someone came in the potted fern
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
