There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
