Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
