trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize