oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She announced her abortion via fbk
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
third nipple confirmed
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
