so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.