you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Is it because I queefed?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos