i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.