We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.