I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.