The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Randomize