I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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