Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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