RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
