My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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