You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
