Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
