if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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