I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
