So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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