Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
