If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
